July 4th and 5th.

Both yesterday and today has been PANDAS days :-(
nothing like it was on Saturday.. But both Sunday and today we have had to use the Motrin... She wasn't having sensory issues.. but has been crying on the drop of a hat, clinging to me.. and feeling sad.. Both days after the Motrin she has been fine.. She cried in my arms for about a half hour today over something little.. We were eating dinner at my moms with a big group of our family.. She went to sit down at the table but my mom needed her to move so my mom could do something This sent Sweet Pea into tear land.. She came running into the bedroom where I was changing Little Man out of his bathing suit.. She sat on the bed and just started crying... That Grandma doesn't love her she wouldn't let her sit at the table but would let everyone but her sit at the table.. There was no reasoning with her... She just jumped into my arms on the bed and cried and cried.. asking to please take her home.. My mom felt bad was trying to explain to her she just needed her to move for a second.. I then had to remind my mom that she was doing this due to the PANDAS so trying to explain anything to her wasn't helping it was just making it worse..
So I just held her till she was feeling better and was back to reasoning for herself.. After that and with the Motrin she did fine the rest of the time there and even wanted to spend the night so that is where she is now..

UGh it kills me to see her like that.. I hate every part of it.. I hate that it is happening to her.. I hate that people who don't fully understand what is going on just thinks she is being a baby or acting up or being a brat or whatever.. I hate that she Hates it.. I hate that after she goes though that and she comes out of it that she is worried about what other people are thinking about her... I hate that I'm sitting here crying about it again..
but I'm very thankful that God is with me and gives me the strength to keep it together and do what I need to do for my little girl when she needs me.. and that I only tend to lose it when I'm alone and thinking about it..